Where Did It Go?

Where Did It Go?

By Michael Cannata

            It passed him by so quickly and yet, he never saw it coming. He reached out to grasp it, but it slipped through his fingers like so much sand. People often said that it was in endless supply. They often declared they had all of it the world had to offer. But for him he could clearly see that his supply of it was very near to its end.

            While he'd had his moments in his life, most of the days he always felt he never had a minute left for his self. Even though he couldn’t deny that he'd had his fair share, he never felt like there was enough of it to go around. So much of it was given to others; Sometimes freely, but more often than not, because he had no choice. His job, his family and friends, his education, his responsibilities; They all demanded so much of it that he rarely had any left for himself at the end of the day.

            As the years passed him by, when they promised more of it that he knew what to do with it all, suddenly, they seemed to have less of it to offer. When he was a young man, a month would often seem like an eternity. The days crawled by. Now, as the sun was setting on the horizon of his life, the years seemed less like they were fleeting and more like they were fleeing. Not just running out, but running away.

            He had long ago lost the ability to make it when he needed it. The best he could do now was keep marking it. He recalled with a bittersweet longing those slow summer days of his youth.  When he and his friends would spend the day just passing it with a game of baseball or a day at the fishing hole; Making the most of what they had and, on many occasions, when the day had been a very special one, often wishing that it would never end.

            Despite his best efforts to stop it or save it, he could no longer prevent it from passing by. He could no longer keep up with it and it was leaving him behind. Where once he had measured it in terms of how much he had, he now measured it in terms of how much he had left. He had lived long enough to know that, no matter how infinite the supply was, like all people, his ration was finite. He was close to the end of what we often believe for most of life is endless.

            As he sat waiting for his share of it to reach its end, he watched his great granddaughter play quietly and happily at his feet. He pondered the mysteries that lie ahead for them both. He was as close to his finish as she was to her beginning. There was so much he wanted to share with her, yet he knew by the signs he wouldn’t get the chance.

            Ultimately, he was comforted by one thing he had learned over the years, the one thing that would never end was the love they had for each other. Perhaps that would be enough to help him stay connected to her as she started on her journey through the years.

            He knew it was a waste of what little he had left, but somehow he also felt it was a good use of it. So, he closed his tired eyes and opened his heart. And with all the strength he had left he wished for just a little more of it.